Remedy Read online

  “Grady,” she says. Her face, and even her voice, is void of emotion. She looks down to the color samples in her hands, effectively dismissing me. I want to pull the chair out next to her, rub my thigh against hers, anything to gain her attention. I can’t take the silence, even though I know it’s what I deserve.

  I thought that I had made up this fantasy of her in my mind. Over the years as she had gotten older, I noticed her. I also knew she had a crush on me. I should have fought harder to resist her. Then again, I should have had the balls to not walk away. No matter how hard long distance was, or what Caleb thought. I should have stayed. I told myself that my stolen time with her was just that and nothing more, that the electricity that pulsed through my veins anytime I looked at her was just the chemistry, the endorphins of the night. Even the alcohol. Even though that’s what I told myself, I still remember the way my heart galloped in my chest the night I drove away. I still feel the anger at myself at life on the drive back to school. It’s why I kept to myself. I didn’t see the point in forcing what wasn’t there with other women.

  Last night, it all came rushing back like a tsunami of emotions. The regret, the heartbreak, the fear, and most of all the need. I have a need for her that burns deep in my soul. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I pushed it away, the distance allowed me that luxury. I’m back and she’s here, and the need is consuming me.

  I want to pull her into my arms and tell her how sorry I am. I want to tell her that even though I never responded I read every single message, and listened to every voice mail, time and time again. I was weak, and I knew it. I knew if I reached out that I would leave school. Being a doctor was my dream, then again, so was she.

  “Let’s eat,” Caleb announces, already digging into the bag of subs. I take his lead and grab one for myself and a bottle of water. My hope is that she drinks, and I have to drive her home. A guy can dream.

  Damn! Why did Caleb have to call him? I know I’m going to have to get used to seeing him around, but I thought I would get a day or two, this week at least, before I ran into him again. I take my time studying each color sample, blocking out the conversations around me. It’s not until I feel his hot breath against the side of my face, I realize my mistake. Pretending is not a good option if I don’t want to get ambushed.

  “You going to eat?” he asks softly.

  Looking up from the samples that are not nearly as interesting as I’m pretending, I find him in the chair next to mine. He motions to the island where the bag of food and the beer he picked up is sitting. “Not hungry. Thanks,” I add as an afterthought. If I’m too big of a bitch, Caleb and Emily are sure to catch on that something is off.

  “Here,” Emily says, handing me a sub and taking the seat on the opposite side of me at their tiny four-person table. “You said you were starving.”

  I know she didn’t hear me tell him that I wasn’t hungry, and I’m sure if she knew she just made things even more awkward she would have kept quiet. Chancing a glance at Grady, he’s holding his sub to his mouth ready to take a bite, a smirk on his lips. Well, damn. Standing from the table, I grab my sub and act as though I need a drink. Twisting the cap of a bottle of beer, I take a long pull. I’m going to need liquid courage for this for sure.

  My stomach growls as I unwrap my sandwich and take my first bite. I really was starving, but I was willing to sacrifice to not eat his food. Instead of going back to the table, I stand at the island and eat.

  “You too good to eat with us?” Caleb asks as he reaches back and grabs another beer.

  “No, just got up to get a drink and decided to stand. We’ve been sitting there for a while.” I take another bite to avoid having to say more. Hoping he buys my excuse.

  “We’re making great headway.” Emily looks over at me. “Thank you for all of your help.”

  “That’s what sisters are for, right?” I ask. She smiles wide, and I can’t help but think that my brother hit the jackpot when he met Emily. I’m just glad he was smart enough to put a ring on it. She’s perfect for him, and him for her. One day I want what they have.

  “So, where are we?” Caleb asks his fiancée.

  “Well, we have the dresses picked out for the bridesmaids, the suits for you and the groomsmen. Flowers are picked, and we selected colors for the napkins and decorations. You sure you don’t want a say?” she asks him.

  “Nope. This is your day. I’m already getting everything I want.” He kisses her on the corner of her mouth, and I know I should turn away, but I can’t.

  I love how easy this comes for them. They make love look effortless, and I envy that. I’ve had exactly one experience, from a man who used me. Chancing a glance at Grady, I see he’s watching me. His eyes are soft as he takes me in. I want to lash out. I want to tell him how he hurt me, but I know that none of it matters. Three years is a long time to harbor this pain. I need to move forward, and I thought I had until he showed up back in town.

  “What colors?” Caleb asks.

  “Well, the bridesmaids are going to be wearing black dresses, and the groomsmen are going to wear dark gray pants, with black button-down shirts, dark gray ties.”

  “Really? I love that, babe.”

  The smile that his compliment causes is blinding. “Thanks, it’s going to be a great day.”

  “Of course, it is. It ends with you being my wife.”

  “Grady,” Emily addresses him, “will you still be here for the wedding, if not, you are able to come home for it, right?”

  “Yeah, I’ll make sure when I start my residency, to tell them. It’s usually easy to find coverage. I might end up working two weekends back to back, but that’s a small price to pay to be at my best friend’s wedding.” He takes the last bite of his sub and wads up the wrapper. “Speaking of, are we doing a bachelor party? Just so I can plan ahead.”

  “Nope. We’re not doing best man or maid of honor either. Neither of us could choose, so we decided it’s our wedding, we don’t have to. You, Alec, and Bryce will stand up with me. Collins, Samantha, and Cindy, who are Em’s sisters, are going to stand up with her.”

  “Yeah, and since we couldn’t decide which order, we’re just going to have the guys draw names out of a hat. The name you draw is the person you’ll be paired with for the wedding festivities.”

  His eyes find mine, and they sparkle. “Sounds easy enough. When do we get to draw?”

  Emily looks over at Caleb. “How about we get everyone over here next weekend and do it then?”

  “I’ll call the guys,” Caleb assures her.

  “Grady, can you be here? Will you still be in town?” Emily asks.

  “Yeah, I’ll be here,” he says, glancing over at me.

  “Where are you applying?” Caleb asks.

  I don’t know much about Grady and his career endeavors. I do know he’s always wanted to be a doctor. It has something to do with his little brother who died when he was three or so. I know that they were close. I don’t know all the details of what and why, but I know that was his driving force. I don’t even know what kind of doctor he’s going to be. I try to tune out conversations about him. It helped that he stayed away the last three years. Now here I am faced with spending time with him and being in my brother’s wedding with him. I send up a silent prayer that he doesn’t draw my name out of the hat. How will I handle that? How will he? Maybe he’ll talk one of the other guys into trading with him. Yeah, no… that’s not going to happen. That’s not the vibe I’ve been getting from him. He’ll take every opportunity he can to get me to talk to him. I don’t know what the reasoning behind it is. If I end up paired with him, I guess I’ll find out eventually.

  “Right, so what’s left to do?” I ask Emily.

  “I think we’ve got it. Thank you for all your help. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

  “Yeah, thanks, sis,” Caleb adds. “I’m not much of a wedding planner. I picked the ring and the girl, that should be enough, right?” He laughs.


  “Your ass is lucky she said yes,” I goad.

  “Trust me, little sister, I know this.” He whispers something in Emily’s ear, making her smile and blush at the same time.

  My eyes stray to Grady and find him watching me. Again. “Well, I guess I need to get going. I have to work early tomorrow.”

  “It’s six.” Caleb states the obvious.

  “Yeah, but I have to do laundry, and get ready for the week.” It’s a lie. I have more scrubs than most. I just can’t pass up the cute patterns, and the patients seem to love them. I could go a couple of weeks or more without doing laundry. Wearing scrubs everyday is like wearing your pajamas to work. Of course, I’m going to stock up.

  “Thanks again.” Emily stands and offers me a hug.

  “Call me if you need help with anything else. Are we still on for Saturday to work on centerpieces?”

  “Yes, if you’re still available. Sam and Cindy want us to FaceTime with them so they can be here.” She laughs. “That’s the bad part about your family living so far away.”

  “Florida, right?”

  “Yeah, my plan was to always move back home, until I met this guy.” She places her hand on Caleb’s shoulder. “Funny how plans change.”

  “This is selfish of me, but I’m glad you’re here.” I motion toward Caleb, who is in deep conversation with Grady. “You’re good for him.”

  “He’s good for me.” She grins.

  The happiness that is gleaming from my brother and his fiancée is insane. Emily has changed him. He’s still a fun-loving prankster, but there is a maturity about him. Then again, he’s getting older, getting ready to start his big boy job as a lawyer. It’s hard to believe. Life seems to be moving forward at a rapid pace for everyone around me. I’m still stuck on my past, pining for a man who left me and never looked back. I want to have what Caleb and Emily have, but letting go is harder than I expected.

  I have to make myself keep my attention on my best friend as he talks about… I’m not really sure, to be honest. I’m looking at him and nodding, trying to look interested when really all I want to do is leave with his sister. I want to be going home with her, hell, at least walking Collins to her car and kissing her goodbye, but I can’t. I lost that opportunity three years ago, and although that night changed things for me, she doesn’t know that.

  She doesn’t know that I stopped dating and instead chose to drown myself in medical school. If I wasn’t studying or working my shift at the hospital, I was thinking about her. About that night, about my life changing in more ways than one.

  “Reds game Sunday,” Caleb says. “You interested?”

  I shake out of my Collins thoughts and focus on our conversation. “What time?”

  “It’s an early game. Noon I think. Plenty of time to make the three-hour drive there and back on the same day.”

  “Sure, man, sounds good. Been ages since I’ve been to a game.”

  “Yeah, you know, saving lives and shit.” He laughs.

  “What about you, fancy lawyer?”

  “I deal with DUIs and divorces all day. Nothing fancy or heroic about that.”

  “What time we heading out?”

  “I was thinking eight thirty. Give us time in case we hit traffic.”

  “Sounds good, man.” We bullshit some more, and I try like hell to pay attention. He’s my best friend, has been since we were in diapers, and our families have always been close. Our times together have been few and far between over the years, but that’s on me. I could have made time to come home, but I was a coward. I couldn’t face her, not yet. Truth be told, I wasn’t sure I was ready last night. I’d stayed gone long enough, and when Caleb called to tell me that Emily said yes, and the wedding was at the end of the July, I knew I couldn’t avoid home, avoid her any longer. It was time to come home and face the music, the disaster I’d created on my own. Not to mention, that my residency is here in Indy. I missed my family, my friends, and I missed Collins.

  When it was time to pick a program, she was all I thought about. Being closer to her. A chance for me to right the wrongs of my past. I know I’m going to have my work cut out for me, and then there’s Caleb. I need to tell him, but I need to talk to Collins first. Really talk to her. I need to earn her trust, get her before we tell him. I’m sure he’s going to be pissed, and rightfully so, but this is Collins and, in the end, no matter how many years of friendship, I choose her. Makes me sound like an asshole, but my heart can’t live without her. I tried, honest to God tried, for three long years. Besides, I’m hopeful once Caleb realizes that she’s all I see, he’ll come around. I hope.

  I spend the next couple of hours catching up with Caleb and getting to know Emily. Just from our brief interactions, I knew my best friend was a lucky man, but today confirms it. She’s sweet and keeps him on his toes. Exactly what he needs. I can’t help but let my mind wander to Collins. Can we ever get to that point? Have I fucked up so badly that the one girl who owns my heart will never truly be mine?

  Standing from the couch, I walk to the kitchen and toss my empty water bottle. I had one beer, and that was hours ago. “I’m going to head out.”

  “Thanks for stopping by, man. It was good to see you in the flesh. It’s been too damn long since you’ve been home.”

  “Yeah,” I agree. It has been too long for a lot of things.

  “Next weekend,” Emily reminds me. “We’re going to have you guys draw. We’ll order some pizza or something.”

  “Sure. Just text me when and where.”

  “Be safe, Grady.” She smiles and waves while Caleb kisses her cheek.

  In my SUV, I pull my phone out of my pocket and text Collins.

  Me: It was good to see you tonight.

  I place my phone in the cupholder and head back to my parents’ place. I don’t wait for a reply; I know I’m not going to get one. Hell, I’m not even sure that’s still her number. The silence from the other end tells me it is. I hope so. At least she knows I’m thinking about her. In her eyes, it’s three years too late, but that’s not the case. One day soon, I’m going to get her alone so we can talk. So I can tell her I don’t regret her or that night we spent together. The opposite in fact; it’s consumed me.

  The house is dark when I pull into the drive. My parents have always gone to bed early and get up just as early. Some things never change. As quietly as I can, I make my way inside the house and down the hall to my room. Stripping out of my clothes, in the dark, I slide under the covers in nothing but my boxer briefs. Tapping my phone screen, the light blinds me in the dark room. Dimming the screen, I scroll through my pictures until I find the one I’m looking for. Collins lying on the bed in my parents’ camper. Her dark hair tousled in her sleep. It’s longer now. Back then it had just been past her shoulders. Now it’s long and hangs down her back. Her bare shoulders are peeking out from under the sheet. The very same sheet that I was under just moments before I took the picture.

  I stood there for I don’t know how long, watching her sleep. She took my breath away, yet I knew what I was about to do would destroy us, but there was too much going on inside of me. I knew it was best if I left, even though I wanted nothing more than to snuggle back under that sheet with her in my arms and wake up the same way. Never did I dream that three years later, it would still be her. It’s only her.

  Me: Goodnight, beautiful.

  Rolling over, I stare at her picture until I can no longer keep my eyes open, dreaming she was here with me.

  I slept like shit. I turned my phone off after I received my second message from Grady. Then I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, wondering if he sent more. It’s a vicious cycle that’s done nothing but lead me to be dragging my ass into work this morning. Not something, as an emergency room nurse, I should let happen.

  “Good morning, Collins,” Angie, my coworker, greets me. She’s the always smiling, always super happy, bubbly kind of girl. Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but t
oday, today her sunshine and rainbows just make me feel worse.

  “Morning, Ang,” I say, trudging past her at the reception desk to the break room to put my things in my locker.

  “Rough weekend?” she asks from behind me, causing me to jump.

  “Just didn’t sleep well last night. How’s the day looking so far?”

  “Not too bad. Brenda said last night was slow.”

  In most cases, a slow night drags by, but in this case, working at the emergency room for a pediatric hospital, it’s a good thing. I’d much rather have my night drag on than have all our triage rooms full of little boys and girls who are sick. “That’s a good thing,” I say, grabbing my stethoscope out of my bag and placing it around my neck. Taking inventory, I realize my phone is still in my purse. Reaching into my locker, I dig for it. I don’t use my phone during work hours, a text here or there if we are slow, but I still like to have it on me. Not to mention you never know when an emergency might happen, and you need to be able to call for help. We’ve been through more disaster preparedness drills than I can count. All suggest we keep our phones on our person, on vibrate, or silent to not disturb patients. Ah ha! Feeling my phone, I pull it from the depths of my purse and see I have a new text message.

  Grady: Morning, beautiful.

  My heart beats a little faster seeing his name. I don’t know what the hell his game is, but I’m not falling for it. Not again. He played me once; it won’t happen twice. Just as I’m slipping my phone into my pocket, I feel it vibrate. Looking at the screen, I see another message from Grady. A follow-up to the one he sent just minutes before.

  Grady: Have a great day.